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Children of Abuse

Today, we are more aware than ever of the plight of children of abuse, as it seems a new child abuse report is recounted on the national and local media stations daily. Stories are told about children being beaten, starved, burned, imprisoned, sexually and emotionally abused and suffering other atrocities too numerous to mention. We are reminded on a daily basis, via milk cartons, shopping carts, newspapers and billboards that children should tell if they are being hurt; that because of hotlines, help is just a phone call away.

However, even when a suspected child abuse incident has been reported, this does not always end up safeguarding the child from further abuse. Many times some of the worst cases are those that the authorities had been notified of, and further determined that the child was indeed at risk, yet the child was left in the care of the abuser. In other incidents, such as when an abused partner flees from domestic violence, the children are often the innocent witnesses to the battering. In too many cases the abuser not only takes it out on their spouse, but harms the children as well.

One lesser well known aspect of family violence is that there are many times when sole custody is granted to the abuser. Studies completed by the American Judges Foundation show that, unfortunately for children of abuse, the most common reason for the victim to resume the abusive relationship is that they are afraid sole custody or unsupervised visitation will be given to the abuser, or that they will make good on threats to take the children. Amazingly, in 70% of challenged custody cases, the abuser is able to convince the authorities that the victim is actually unfit or undeserving to have sole custody of the children.

The mere idea that child abusers actually do get awarded custody even when there has been a domestic violence conviction or reliable evidence of child abuse is absolutely bizarre. Even those who have experienced it would not have thought it possible until it happened to them.

It has been assumed that judges look at a history of domestic abuse, weigh any medical evidence and listen to the words of the abused children, and then decide if the child needs protection. Often children of abuse do decide to tell, believing there will be help. Yet when none is forthcoming, how can an abused child believe that they deserve help and protection?

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